Reflections on turning 25
Last year when I turned 24, I published a list of reflections and lessons I had learned so far. As with all lessons, they are things that I sometimes act upon and, more often than not, let fall by the wayside.
The overriding thought I have as I write this is that not meeting our ambitions in the manner we intended is almost inevitable. Each year I plot out where I want to be, and when I sit the following year, life has taken me in a radically different direction.
Now, this sounds completely obvious—of course, the vicissitudes of life take us here and there. The grand designs God has for our destiny are far better than anything we could ever come up with. And yet, this isn’t a lesson that comes intrinsic to me. It is something that has to be learned, honed, and something I constantly have to remind myself of.
All of this reads like I am reeling from a year of huge failure and disappointment. In reality, the opposite is true. I find myself with a groundswell of confidence that I wish I had a few years back. I find myself fitter and stronger than ever, celebrating some major milestones. There is a part of me that can’t believe this because it is so different from the path I would have seen myself taking.
On the eve of my 24th birthday, during one of my daily phone calls with my mum, she was berating me. At the time, I took it quite personally. I couldn’t understand why she was having a go at me. The crux of her argument was:
I am too cautious.
I dilly-dally too much.
I need to inject a bit of oomph into life.
I need to take more risks.
As I mentioned, I took the comments poorly and was quite upset after that. I think it was just an instinctual reaction to being ‘told off’ and called out on some deep-seated aspects of who I am (especially the cautious and lack of risk-taking aspects). But as with all things, time is the ultimate lender of perspective. As the weeks passed, I thought I should at least try taking a less cautious approach to life.
And it has worked wonders.
This isn’t to say everything I have done since has been the right move, but the growth I have experienced as an individual has been phenomenal. There is a quote from Theodore Roosevelt that sticks in my head and that has become somewhat of a mantra now:
“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
In my mum’s own way, her words last year were basically the “man in the arena” speech.
The overriding thought that I have this year is to ‘get stuck in.’ To DO things in life. Success, accolades, recognition, praise, etc., are all byproducts of doing a task consistently and diligently enough. The keyword there is doing.
In the past year, I have begun the process of allowing myself the freedom to just ‘do’ and not be obsessed with being perfect off the bat. It has been of great benefit and switched my perspective on how to approach life.
To conclude, here are some briefer thoughts, reflections, and insights I have gleaned from the past year:
Love is an infinite resource—the more you give, the more you get, and the more beautiful your world will be.
(A tad cliche but still very true) Be wary of those who seek political power instead of reluctantly accepting that they must assume that mantle.
From the phenomenal book ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’: “The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it.”
Embrace saying ‘I don’t know’ and ‘I don’t have an opinion on that.’
Especially with election season looming, it is important to focus on what you ACTUALLY care about.
Time is like a rubber band: up to a certain point, the more you stretch, the more you can do. A corollary of that is more time isn’t always what you need; it is the focus and impetus to use the time you have.
Life has multiple arenas, and it is fine at various points to prioritize one over the other. For example, career progression does not have to take center stage all the time. It can be fine to ‘just do enough’ for periods of time and focus on other parts of life. There will be a time to prioritize each item. The balance is constantly in flux and never static.Allow the mind the freedom to be bored and embrace it.
From Maria Popova:
“Today, the soul is in dire need of stewardship and protection from cynicism. The best defense against it is vigorous, intelligent, sincere hope—not blind optimism, because that too is a form of resignation, to believe that everything will work out just fine and we need not apply ourselves. I mean hope bolstered by critical thinking that is clear-headed in identifying what is lacking, in ourselves or the world, but then envisions ways to create it and endeavors to do that.”